Mother's Day

Mom, me, Lauren and Heather (left to right)

Mother's Day is so bittersweet and at times hard for so many reasons.  My mom passed away from brain cancer 6 1/2 years ago, and it seems like yesterday at times and a lifetime ago at others.  I miss her everyday.  Her love, her smile, her ability to be really honest about just about anything . . . the list goes on forever.  Most of all, I miss her wisdom now that I am a Mom.  I want to call her to tell her what the kids are doing, to get her advice when someone is sick, to ask her what she did with respect to discipline so that I raise kids who are thoughtful, hard-working and don't feel entitled (I think she did an incredible job at that), to get a ride to the doctor when I am sick (she did this before I had kids and was a blooming lawyer at one of the biggest law firms in the country proving you are never too old for nurse mom to come to the rescue), and most recently to get her comfort when I am so incredibly scared after my child has hurt himself pretty significantly. 

I miss the stories I would hear from my kids after spending an entire day with her with stops for shoes and jewelry and a cruise through Dairy Queen for a coke.  Some of these things could probably be filled by others, but they aren't . . . maybe they can't be I don't know.  My kids talk about her all the time.  It's like they know her even though they were all born after she passed.  Kind of weird in a lot of ways.  My kids will ask why she can't come visit us from heaven, and my response is always that even if she could she wouldn't want to because heaven is so amazing and beautiful.  I believe that.  I know people say that she is looking down on us, but I don't believe it.  Heaven is too good to be worried or concerned about what is going on around here.  In the presence of Jesus, she has been freed from the ties that bind here on earth, and she is spending her days knowing that we will all be reunited soon.

As I reflect on Mother's Day with a dozen homemade gifts from my babies and a crazy three year old who has lost his mind today (just another day in paradise, right???), I am thankful that, although Mom is not here and we miss her like crazy and we wish that things were different, she left a legacy.  She left three girls who know how to love with their whole heart, who are selfless in so many ways, who know right from wrong and aren't afraid to stand up for what is right, and who have an example of how to love your husband and your kids and to be a family.  Her death turned my life upside down making me question all the things I was holding dear: career, fortune, fame.  I always thought I would have it all . . . a successful law practice at one of the big law firms, a successful husband and a houseful of kids at home being taken care of by a nanny who probably had to work from 7-7 to keep up with work schedules.  Crazy, right???  In all things, God blesses us.  His blessing on me after my Mom's death was a reworking of my mind to focus more on Him which flowed out in a refocus on my family.  Thankful today for that because my life is fuller because of it!

I always think of Proverbs 31 when I think of my mom.  Proverbs 31 seems completely unattainable at times.  It is most certainly a goal to strive for, not necessarily a destination to be today.  My Mom was without question a Proverbs 31 woman.  The verse that always speaks to me is verse 28:  "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."  This is my mission.  This is my calling for now, and don't be deceived motherhood is a calling.

So to all of the moms out there, Happy Mother's Day!  May your day be overflowing with God's blessings (even the tempermental 3 year olds :)!

Our family at Heather's Wedding -- September 2005
 

6 years later . . . 4 sweet blessings!

First Day of Kindergarten

Wow!  Where did the last 5 years go?  Today was Brooke's first day of kindergarten.  It's certainly hard to believe that my baby girl is old enough to start kindergarten, but she is.  She was super excited, but I could tell she was a little nervous too.  My confident girl was nervous! 

 

 

It's hard letting go of a part of our life together that we will never have again.  Gone are the lazy mornings.  Now we are up early and out the door so as to not be tardy to school.  The bell rings at 7:45 AM, which rang as we were walking in the door this morning :).  Gone are the sounds of her singing early in the mornings and dancing and twirling all around my house.  Someone else gets to catch a glimpse of her twirls during the day.  Many things have ended, but she is now in a new world that will provide us a host of new and exciting memories.

 

 

Brooke is a pretty confident child, but this morning I could certainly sense her apprehensivenss as we got closer to her classroom door.  After nervously finding a spot for her backpack and then putting her lunch box in the basket that will be carried to the lunchroom, she eased her way to her desk (a spot on the end of the table so as to keep her from elbowing the kid next to her since she is a lefty).  As I encouraged her to sit down and told her that I was going to leave, she looked at me and said "Why can't you stay?"  As my heart broke and I fought the tears back because I said I wouldn't cry in front of her, I told her how big of a girl she was and this was something she would do without me.  Without me.  Wowsers.  We've done every big thing in her life to this point together, but this adventure will be done on her own with my constant prayer and encouragement from outside the school walls.

 

Needless to say, I am home recovering from my traumatic morning and counting the minutes until it is time to go pick her up from school.  I know she will do great!  She had great preschool years and is a smart little girl.  Kyle kept telling me this morning what a good job I have done and that she has a good head on her shoulders for a 5 year old.  I keep wondering though is it enough.  Have I done enough?  Did I impart on her all of the things that she needs for this stage in her life?  Funny thing is I am pretty sure I will be asking myself that question at each stage of life for a long time.

 

Brooke -- Someday you will read this hopefully.  I tell you a thousand times a day, but I love you more than you know.  You were a shining light for me the day you were born when all I saw through the grief of losing my mom were shades of gray.  As you start kindergarten today, I am praising God for your life!  I hope this year is a year where we will see you grow and learn.  You mean the world to me and your Daddy!  We are so glad God allowed us to be your parents.

 

This little muffin dried Mommy's tears.

Who's Brooke?  Business as usual for the boys.

Daddy's girl!

 

 



Family Pics and Sloan's 3 month Pics

With Sloan turning 3months, Brooke turning 5 in January and Jaxon turning 2 in October, I really felt a lot of milestones had been passed so I wanted to get some pics of the kids.  Our ability to get pictures of the kids individually in December was a little hard with a brand new baby :)  Of course, our favorite photographer and friend, Kym Jackson, spent time capturing our sweet kiddos!

How did she get this big?

Sweet, sweet boy!

More pics to be posted!  Computer was slow :(

Brooke's Fourth Birthday

We celebrated Brooke's 4th birthday for almost 2 weeks it seems.  That was perfectly fine with Brooke because she looooves birthdays . . . her's or anyone elses.'  That is one of the things I absolutely love about her!

Brooke's birthday actually fell on a Saturday this year, but we decided to have her party the following Saturday.  To celebrate on January 22nd, I made reservations at the American Girl Bistro at the Dallas Galleria for brunch on Saturday morning with Aunt T (my Mom's sister), Jennifer (our Step Mom to be) and Avery (my sister's little girl).  We had a great time taking the girls' babies to brunch and enjoying all things American Girl.  I think I enjoy the store more than anyone :)




Two sweet girls enjoying brunch together!




Brooke and her baby ready for brunch.




Blueberry heart pancakes for the birthday girl!

After we returned from American Girl and everyone got a little rest, Kyle and I gave Brooke her birthday present . . . a new princess bike with the "required' seat for her baby.

Annual Fall Pics

Around Thanksgiving each year, it is time for our annual picture for our Christmas card.   Trying to get a picture of 5 people is a challenge, particularly when you have three little kids three and under.  This year was great though!  I tell everyone that compliments our pictures that alot of the credit goes to our awesome photographer, Kym Jackson.  She is fantastic with my kids, and they absolutely love her!

Could he be any cuter with those dimples?

My precious girl!  So glad we got a pic together!

Sweet Daddy with a precious boy who adores his Daddy!

Halloween -- Pumpkin Patches, a Festival and Trick or Treating

We had tons of fun with Halloween this year!  Brooke and Chase love all things Toy Story so it only made sense to have the Toy Story trio, Jessie, Woody and Buzz Lightyear.  I decided I was going to try and make costumes this year, and surprisingly, they turned out pretty good if I must say so myself.  Brooke's costume was better than anything I could have bought.  Chase's was a great Buzz Lightyear from Party City complete with a set of inflatable wings, which he promptly punctured while falling off the rock and into our rose bushes minutes after the picture below.  Nothing that couldn't be fixed by Daddy with a little duct tape :)  Kyle did actually take a pair of rain boots and make him some "Space Ranger Boots" with a little paint.  Chase loved them.

The kids got to dress-up for school the week before Halloween.  I had bought Brooke a Jessie costume in the store just in case my attempt at making her costume failed miserably.  After I had finished making her costume, I decided I didn't want it making a trip to preschool so she ended up wearing the store bought costume for school.  I am sooo Type A it is scary!  The morning that we were leaving for school it was a bit chilly, but I wanted a picture in front of the house nevertheless.  Brooke was a trooper, but poor little Chase kept telling me . . . I'm cooooold Mommy!  The picture below says it all.  He wore his Buzz Lightyear pajamas to school.

We of course made our annual trip to the pumpkin patch for an afternoon of fun.  These types of outings are fairly nerve racking just because I am always terrified that I will lose somebody, but this time was actually pretty enjoyable.  Jaxon happily rode in the stroller, and Brooke and Chase enjoyed all that the pumpkin patch had to offer . . . animal feeding, hay rides and of course PUMPKINS!

It is almost impossible to get a picture of these three together, but we have a good time trying.  Jaxon was just starting to try and walk so he was good standing with his brother and sister for a little spurts at a time.



The kids enjoyed searching for their pumpkin.  Chase enjoyed searching for his pumpkin and insisted on carrying it back by himself.   Brooke and Chase each searched for their own pumpkin and then "helped" Jaxon find his.

We finished up with a hayride, which my girl was super excited about.  Jax enjoyed it quite a bit, and I was thankful to get a picture with Jaxon :)

We had so much fun at the pumpkin patch that we continued celbrating at Aunt Lauren's Fall Carnival that evening.  Sooo much fun for the kiddos.  She had prepared fun crafts for them to do and then had a weiner and marshmallow roast.  Poppy gave everyone a hayride after eating hotdogs.  It was a little chilly that evening, but my kiddos got smart and insisted on "driving" the tractor.  Driving meant they were enclosed in a heated cab, and that made Momma happy :)

What a crazy crew!

 My three with their two cousins, Avery a/k/a Olivia and Jett a/k/a Little Monster.  Sweet, sweet kids who, I pray, are going to have a lifetime of memories growing up together.

 Buzz and Jessie enjoying a hotdog!

Love this dimpled little boy a/k/a Cowboy Woody!

Finally, we made it to the big night, Halloween!  Brooke had been asking me for over a week every day if that day was Halloween, and she was pretty excited the entire day!  Halloween was on a Sunday this year so we started the morning with church and then home to rest before the night's activities began.   My sisters came over that evening so that the kids could trick or treat together.  We fed everybody pizza in the shape of a jack-o-lantern :) and then started trick or treating on our street.  Brooke and Chase had a blast and insisted on trick or treating not only on our street but on an additional street that intersects the street we live on.  So fun to walk with them and see their joy in visitng neighbors.

 What a pretty Jessie!

 My two insisted on driving for the first part of trick or treating.  The cars ended up being too slow!

While costume making seemed to consume most of my October, it was sooo worth it in the end.  We had a great time!

Jaxon Turns One!!!!

We celebratedJaxon's first birthday with a party at home surrounded by family and friends.  Hard to believe that our Jax is a year old.  Jaxon seemed to enjoy his birthday, and Brooke enjoys anyone's birthday so she had a great time too. I jokingly asked Brooke and Chase driving home from school one afternoon what type of birthday party Jax should have.  Brooke replied that he should have a truck party.  I thought that was a great idea so away I went planning with dump trucks. 



Birthday Invitation

I make it a point to make my kids their own birthday cake for their first birthday.  This year I used the invitation as my template and then went from there.  I then decided to make Jaxon a shirt that would match his cake.   October kind of became a sewing month with Halloween costumes :)

Jaxon loved his cake!  I was actually able to get the black icing out of the shirt :)

Brooke enjoyed the festivities as well!

Everyone enjoyed Jaxon's gifts . . . Buzz Lightyear and Lightning McQueen Powered Toys!



I haven't actually documented Jaxon's birth in writing anywhere so here goes.  Jaxon was actually due on October 20, but because I am a scheduled C-section, he was set to come on October 14.  I wish that I would have had him sooner.  It seemed as if I spent the last two weeks thinking I was in labor.  I even made a trip to labor and delivery on the Wednesday before only to be told that I was not in labor and to go home.  Apparently actually going into labor really hurts because all they told me is that I would know if I was in labor. 

My pregnancy with Jaxon seemed to have more bumps in the road than the others.  I had a bleed at 13 weeks that scared me half to death, but it turned out I had a subchorionic hemorrhage which was resolved by our 20 week sonogram.  At 32 weeks, they discovered that Jaxon had was missing a vessel in his umbilical cord.  That meant we got sonograms at every visit for the rest of the pregnancy to make sure Jax was growing adequately.  That was kind of funny because Jaxon measured large my entire pregnancy, and I kept telling Kyle and Dr. Nivens that he was a big baby.  They both just kind of smiled as if I had no idea what I was talking about :)

We showed up for our drive-thru baby (Kyle's term) on October 14 at 5:00 am for a scheduled 7:00 am C-section.  We got bumped due to an emergency C-section so we did not go in until around 8:15 am.  We were happy to be bumped because with Brooke I am sure we bumped someone else considering she was an emergency C-section.  At 8:48 am, Jaxon Kyle Howard entered the world at 9 pounds and 21 inches long.  My first words (after expressing my joy at hearing his sweet cries) were "I told you guys he was big." 

First Picture with Daddy

Daddy showing off his new boy and letting everyone know what we named him.



Big sister getting her hands on her new brother.  I think she likes him!



This is one of my favorites.  She was sooo excited to have a new brother, and the look on her face says it all.

 

Headed home with our sweet and handsome little boy.  He looks like he is a month old.



Home we went with our new bundle of joy, and I felt great.  Little did we know that we were about to go on a three week roller coaster ride.  At about a week after Jax's birth, my blood pressure skyrocketed getting as high as 195/105.  We spent an entire afternoon in an urgent care getting every test known to man ran to make sure I wasn't throwing a blood clot.  I was diagnosed with post-partum pre-eclampsia and was sent home on strict orders to rest.  They told me I couldn't even empty the dishwasher.  Kyle was the enforcer making sure I kept myself in a chair or on the couch, and he took over duties at home while also trying to work.  I must say he did an outstanding job.  After about 3 weeks, my blood pressure had pretty much returned to normal, and we were up and running again.  I'm not sure how we would have made it without lots of help from family and so many brought us meals which made things so much easier.  Jaxon was just perfect . . . he was a happy camper as long as he was fed and got to sleep.  My kind of newborn!



Brooke giving Jax a bottle while Mom was being checked out at the hospital.  Such a good big sister!

 

Love these boys!